Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
