Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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