The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
