i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
