its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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