I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize