Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
