I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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