16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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