even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
