R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize