Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
