remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
