I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
