I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize