i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
