I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
