her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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