so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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