What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
