i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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