I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
