I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
