I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish life had little blips of pornography
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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