So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
