i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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