Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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