To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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