I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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