if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
