My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
