So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh god it's open bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
