I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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