i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
