Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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