Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
zippers are such a cool invention
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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