Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
