Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize