6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
