Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
