Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
