apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
