So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
