apparently the secret to your success is patron
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
