omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
