AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So vagazzling was a success
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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