You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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