i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
