you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
