hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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