I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My ass is underappreciated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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