Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
