some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
