did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
