Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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