This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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