Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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