last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
