We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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