who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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