the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
