He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize