Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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