Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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