Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
