I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
