is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
