Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
