I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
