He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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